A Widow's Story - Joyce Carol Oates

A Widow's Story - Joyce Carol Oates (2011)

This is somewhat a brick of a memoir, but with hail lashing at our windows it was the perfect accompaniment to a few early nights.   I don't remember reading anything by the author before, but had glanced at a review that had talked about this book, and thought I would give it a chance.

At 77 Ray Smith, Joyce Carol Oates husband becomes ill with pneumonia and is admitted to a local hospital.  After several days care, he seems to be on the mend, until Joyce gets an early morning phone call asking her to rush in to see him.  After 47 years of marriage, I was a little surprised that the death of her partner had seemed to never been considered and the author seems a little blind sided by the grief that swamps her, the lack of sleep, the sense of loss.

When my mother died, it was hard to know how you should feel and what you should do to help yourself with the grief.  Maybe the Victorians had the right idea when they had a year of wearing black and  set rules about what could be done during grieving.  For us, after the funeral home did their bit, we bought mum to lie in at my brothers house for the four days before the funeral, which is a common thing to do in New Zealand.  It helped to have an opportunity to talk to mum, to touch her hair and kiss her goodbye, and to realise that her body was no longer her, that she had gone.

We had talked a lot about her funeral before she died, and planned all the things she wanted, but we were lucky that we had the time and opportunity to do that.  Again, I was surprised at the gift baskets that were sent in Canada, which Joyce through into the trash anyway, not using the cookies and soaps they contained.  Our friends bought us baking and meals, and we had a house full of flowers.

I admired the eloquence of the thank you notes that she received from her many friends, and the poetic  replies she sent back.  This girl sure can write.  A lot of the book is about her own thoughts about suicide, as she considers it difficult to carry on alone.  I am sure for many partners of so many years, that this is foremost in their minds, to join their husband or wife and leave the loneliness behind.

A 4/5 for this beautifully written memoir of grief.